The Perfect Relationship
Everyone is searching for the perfect relationship even if they say they don’t. No matter the age or the gender, people are created to live together, to share their worries with someone, to share their joy and their tears. Many of you may consider that we do not need a partner because we have friends. This is not entirely true, because a life partner is much more than a friend. In all relationships, the honesty of the partners is one of the things that keep them together. Sometimes you may wonder, how honest you should be, especially when it comes about the previous relationships. The curiosity about the partners’ past is mutual and also natural. We all did mistakes and bad choices. The important thing is to learn from them and do not repeat them or at least try not to repeat them. This article is exactly about the honesty between two people who are in a relationship. Do we really must reveal our past entirely so we can have a fresh start? Is this thing wise? You should continue your reading to discover my own theory regarding this aspect.
How Important is Your Past?
The most important person to whom your past must be important is you. We all have one. You always heard people say to let go to the past and live for the present and for the future. This is perfectly true, but without our past we will not be what we are in the present. No matter if we are good people or bad people. I do not really believe that people are bad. They are just guided by their own wrong choices. They are in a circle from which they cannot get out. We certainly live forward and not backward but we should not forget or regret our past. Also, to be ashamed of your past is another mistake. Even if you may have hurt some people that did not deserve this from you, by admitting that, it makes you better than you were then.
When it comes about relationships between a man and a woman things are a bit difficult when it comes about their past, especially when it comes about their previous relationships. Most people may think that women are more curious than men. This is not true at all. All of us are humans and our curiosity is equal. Some people may not allow others to see this feature of them but you can trust me that it is there.
Why they consider each others’ pasts so important? Your relationship history is just like your credit history. You can see a certain pattern that defines you as a person according with the types of relationships you had in the past. If you are shallow, if you like nightstands, if you cheated, the length of the relationships, the reasons why they ended etc, etc. can say allot about you. It is not a rule, however. People at very early ages may like to experiment more so they will know at a more mature age what they really want from a relationship. Besides that, people can behave completely different in their relationships. Their partners have allot to do with that behavior. Even so, our past scares our partners quite much.
How Honest Should We Be?
There are certain things you may not want to reveal from your life. I personally know women who hide from their husbands when they smoke, or who behave completely different when they are around even if they have 20 years of marriage on their back. I also know people who divorced after 30 years of marriage because in just a few months their partner changed completely. Did they changed, or they just restrained themselves too long? Sometimes we love our partners so much that we completely forget about what we want and one day…we remember. This is not good. This is not helping a relationship to work. My opinion is that you cannot play a role your entire life.
When it comes about hiding things from your past, things are more sensitive. As long as those things will not interfere with your future it may be ok. If you are afraid that they will, then you should find the perfect moment to say it to your partner.
What About Your Previous Cheating Issues?
This is a very important question. Does your partner need to know that you cheated in the past? My first instinct is to say no. Men have the tendency to freak out when they hear that. They may see themselves as your next victim. Even if it is about your ex, men usually fraternize with each other. Even if you were completely loyal to them, after revealing such secret, they will start questioning every gesture you make around other men. You certainly do not want that. The question in this situation is, if you want such a man near you. Can you live with him your entire life?
This is the reason why I usually follow my second instinct. It is very difficult for a person to live with someone and be sure of the fact that they do not know each other completely. When you hide something from your partner, you will also live with the suspicion that he does exactly the same thing. It is in out nature to doubt everything. You may have heard people complaining that they were completely honest with their partners but in the end, they were deceived. These people will also advise you to never be honest with someone. I completely disagree with that. If you want a relationship to work, you should be honest about your past and satisfy all his curiosities related to your previous relationships. Like that, through his reactions, you will realize if he is the one or not. You will be able to sleep with your conscience clear no matter the consequences.
You will never be sure that he will be as open as you were with him, but at least you feel good. As I said earlier, we should not feel ashamed of our past. There are many reasons why a woman may cheat. Even if others may believe that men are in title to cheat, because is in their nature, things are not like that at all. There are many reasons why you may end up in such situations.
Just like men, women can feel neglected and bored. Many men consider that a paper or two children will make the woman happy enough and that she does not need anything else. Women need passion and attention no matter their age. They need to feel loved not just needed. They also feel the need to talk with their partners about their worries and problems and to be listened. They need a friend and a lover in just one person.
My advice is to share with your partners not only the fact that you cheated in the past but also the reasons that led to that situation. Like that, if he cares about you, he will make sure that this will not happen to you again.