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How It Feels When Your Friends Have Babies

Diane Luke
Senior Editor, TipsHire

The relationships you’re having with your friends will change when more and more of them will start having babies. They won’t have much free time to go out with you, or to have fun and party until the morning, as they’ve done before. How it feels when your friends have babies is totally up to you and depends on what kind of friend you are.

There are mainly three types of friends

The first type is those friends who can understand the situation and adjust to it, while the second type of friends is those who do not believe that having a baby is a reason good enough not to party until morning, or they simply don’t care about what happens in their friends’ lives. The third type of friends are those who already have children, so they will easily understand the situation and can offer precious tips regarding babies. Which type of friend are you?

What happens in the relationships with your friends when they have babies

If you have a baby yourself, you will easily understand the situation your friends are going through and you will not feel offended that you’ll not see your friends often, and additionally you’ll be like a guru for them because they can learn from you different tips and tricks on raising babies.

If you don’t have children yet, the situation is different. In your eyes, your girlfriends will be replaced by mothers and they will spend time at Lamaze classes during pregnancy or at clinics where they go their regular controls, and after childbirth they will nurse their babies with love and care and they will definitely give up on hanging out often, with you and other friends who don’t have babies.

The first changes in your girlfriends’ attitudes will occur during pregnancy. They will not anymore meet with you in your regular bar where the music is loud. They will also give up on parties because their bodies will ask for more sleep and relaxation, and will quit on smoking and alcohol because all they want now is to give birth to a healthy child. After childbirth, your friends will spend a lot of time recovering and taking care of their newborns, and this will be their main task from now on.

Don’t judge them to harsh only because you’re free of the responsibilities that a child implies because you’re going to have your own baby sometimes and then you will understand.

But if you’re the type of best friend for a new mother, then most likely you’ll live the experience side-by-side with your best friend, and this may be helpful because you might learn something that would make you be more prepared for the time when you’ll become a mother yourself.

What experts say about your relationship with your friends when they have babies

Experts advise you to accept that when your friends have babies they have other priorities now and you will understand them when you’ll have children of your own. As for the new parents, experts recommend them not to talk only about their babies in the smallest details, because their friends will not be interested in all those stories, regardless how funny or lovely they seem for them. The new parents should listen to their friends’ stories, too, because true friends should share feelings, ideas, or perspectives for the future.

As a new mom, you should try to go out with your girlfriends at least twice a month. Your husband can take care of the babies and you’ll return the favor when he will want to go out for a beer with his friends.

Some solutions for you and your friends to spend more time together

No need to make them feel guilty when your friends have babies, and you should try to keep in touch with your friends, even if they are now parents. You can ask them to come by, with their children, to your place for a BBQ, a pizza, or for some outdoors fun.

Keeping a close relationship with your friends who have babies means to understand the changes they are going through, so don’t make them feel bad asking them to go with you in a club, or at a party.

If you’re a true friend, you’ll adjust yourself to their possibilities of spending time out of their homes. When your friends have babies, invite them to movies, theater, or shopping. New moms will enjoy shopping for their newborns, so you can take advantage of this and invite your new moms friends to the mall, this being a win-win situation, because they’ll buy something new for their babies, and you’re going to buy something new for yourself and so, you can have your friends next to you.

Nowadays, technology is helping people to get closer even if they are miles away one from the other. When your friends have babies, try giving them some time to get used to their new lives, but meanwhile call them few times per week, video call them on Skype, Y!M, or whatever, and show them that you’re happy for them and that you’ll always be there to help them when they need it, and really mean it.

Even though you might feel lonely when your friends have babies, after they got used to their new lives, try to visit them more often or try to make them get out of their homes, at least during weekends. They will appreciate that you’re trying to make them forget about their new responsibilities, at least for a couple of hours. They will enjoy the break you offered them by asking them to go out with you.

When your friends have babies, give them gifts that also contains at least one baby product. It could be something for their babies to wear, or a toy, or whatever you think would be suitable for babies. Your friends will appreciate your gesture and will consider you a true friend that is interested in their most important human beings of their lives.

How it feels when your friends have babies

When your friends have babies, while you don’t, you might feel a little awkward, and many doubts may pop-up in your mind, so many ‘What if…’ questions will appear.

‘What if I’ll get lonely?’
‘What if I’ll have to make new friends who don’t have babies?’
‘What if I’ll lose my friends?’
‘What if they’ll only hang out with other couples who have babies?’

And the list may continue…

What you have to be sure of is the fact that when your friends have babies they are still your old friends, being the same, only that they are now having some extra responsibilities. Is like they are changing their regular easy job with a more demanding one. You’ll still have time to hang out with your friends, as soon as they will get used to their new lives.

Try to be a true friend and to stay by their side, helping them, and not to judge them because they’re parents now and they don’t spend much time anymore hanging out with you.

You might feel yourself excluded, especially when more of your friends that are couples have babies, because couples who have babies are indeed more into hanging out with other couples who have babies, because they are on common ground, sharing similar experiences and learning one from the other.

You might have to take into consideration having a baby, too, and experts think that any woman whose friends couples have babies starts wishing and thinking more and more about having babies of her own.

Maybe, is not you, if you’re putting your career in the first place, or if you’re more of an independent woman, but try understanding that this is the course of life: we born, we grow, we’ll make our own family, we’ll give birth, we’ll live our life, and, eventually, we’ll die.

If you’re single, don’t worry, you’ll find your true love, and you’ll feel the need to make a family of your own. Patience is all you need. In many cases it will not fall from the sky, so you’ll have to work on it, but don’t work too much on this, because year-by-year you’ll get older and older, and having a baby when you’re not at your first youth could be more complicated and more demanding.

The conclusion is that the way how it feels when your friends have babies is a matter of what kind of friend you are. If you’re only a friend for whom is much more important the time your friends spend with you than what your friends really feel or going through, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you but you might be selfish, because a true friendship means to give, to get, to share experiences, and to be there for your friends when they need you, and I bet that even when your friends have babies, if they are true friends, they’ll be by your side when you’ll need for their help.

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