Love isn’t an exact science, but is a subject that raises the interest of every human on this planet. There are lots of scientific evidence and proven facts that had reached the surface in controlled experiments, studies and investigations of the specialists. Happy couples or married people have been questioned, observed and categorized.
Love and happiness has been under the loop of the many scientists, psychologists and regular people. Each and every one of them had their opinion on the matter. How does love hang in there for so many years or so little time in between couples or marriages? But the most ardent question is – how do we keep the love alive in our relationships?
Everyone is willing to say their trust on the issue, but how many of them remember that love doesn’t have an universal receipt that works for everyone else? And this is for the only reason that love means something different for each of us. Love feels different for each person. And each person, couple or marriage has their own “receipt” for love or for how they’ve managed to stay that long together. Sure, anyone can provide tips and tricks on how they’ve figured out the successful path on keeping the love alive in their relationships.
Everyone is willing spend hours talking about how they’ve met, how they’ve fallen in love and how happy they are together. When it comes to love and relationships, every one of us is an expert and seems to know just the right way to make it work. But the fact is, all of us do mistakes. Multiple times, actually. And that is how couples split up and marriages are broken. And here come the statistics: 86% of married couples report to feel marriage satisfaction within the first year of their union, while by the time they reach the seven year, the marriage satisfaction drops under 50%.
Some people get divorced, others get or choose suffering. And all these experiences leave a lot of people broken as well, in pain and sometimes with even low faith in finding love again or being able to love someone with the same intensity or more again.
So, how do we avoid getting in this point?
We move from how do we find love on how do we get it back. Or we try to keep the love alive in the relationship, for as long as we can or as long as it is meant to last. But how exactly do we do that? How do some people stay together for so many years and without getting bored of each other or fight? We know that to be happily ever after isn’t easy, but how do some people manage to make love last a lifetime?
One of the reasons that make marriages or long lasting relationships so hard to handle over the passing of the years is the fact that people get bored of each other. The science calls this “habituation”. It’s about the predictability and the boredom that comes from it. Nothing ever surprises you on your partner anymore. You already know that they’re going to say when you fight, when you get back together, when you everything. Partners don’t seduce each other anymore. And with seduction, also comes the surprise every relationship needs in order not to get stuck on boredom, “habituation” or predictability.
When all looks familiar to you, it is rather normal to lose interest at some point. What is the secret on how to get the interest back in the relationship? Well, both partners have to work on that. You both need to spend time and think about what you can do in order to keep the love alive in your relationship. Don’t just simply stay back and expect some magic event to happen and turn everything into good, as it once was. And no, better sex doesn’t fix all of the issues.
You can both do magic, together. You know each other better than anyone else and you will find the right answer for your situation. No one can tell you what to do when you reach this bottom. You’re the only ones responsible, and as much as inconclusive this answer is, it is the most correct form of truth.
Also, try to focus more on the good than on the bad. Every couple or marriage has problems. Tons of problems. People fight a lot because of the stress, pressure, and everything that goes wrong at some point in their lives. But instead on focusing always on the bad and look for ways to diminish it or to fix it, try a different approach and just increase the good. And by good I mean everything that is good in your relationship. One sure way of increasing the good is to create excitement in the relationship. Stop thinking about pleasant activities or dates, try exciting activities and dates.
Also, trying to change the partner will only accentuate the negative feelings and you will only report more couple or marriage dissatisfaction. Yes, you do have different points of view, different lifestyles, different personalities or values, but instead of fighting over each different thing between the two of you, it’s better to just seek for a way of combining them both. Positive feelings bring positive times and happy moments.
Relationships change over time. From the falling in love and liking each other so much part, to the “I love and I can’t live without you” feelings, there are a lot of happenings between these times. And this is the thing that a long lasting love should always do – evolve and grow with each year that passes by. And each relationship or marriage has its own unique measures, as well.
But not only love changes in time, partners do too. The you from the beginning of the relationship won’t be the same with the one from the 10 years later relationship. And neither will your partner be the same. And don’t make the mistake of assuming that you already know everything about your partner because you know each other so well. Always ask what’s the matter, listen to him or her and offer your support. Love and relationships are about being each other’s shield of protection, shoulder to cry on, wall of support and so on. It never ends.
There are people that think that relationships need only two things in order to survive: sexual desire and affection. When you find the right balance for these two intense emotions and a way to constantly increase excitement between you two, you will be on the right way of keeping the love alive in the relationship. Some partners tend to take their lover for granted after a few years pass by, thinking not only that they will always be there through it all, but also that they will always like to have sex with each other even if it becomes standard.
But being classic in bed often leads to boredom in bed and there are not too many people that can stand the not-so-surprising-anymore sex. Hence is where we draw the conclusion that curiosity is one of the driving forces that is able to keep the love alive in relationships and marriages, despite the time and years that are passing by.
In time, some people start to take special gifts and occasions for granted as well. Decorating a room with rose petals and making love on a bed full of roses might become a gesture taken for granted over the years, even if it started out to be a romantic one. By taking gestures for granted in time, nothing will ever be so special and surprising anymore, which will lead to loss of curiosity, loss of interest and eventually, loss of strong feelings of love.
Some even start to feel them as obligations, and by doing this, they take away the affection and love that came together with the gesture, and in return, it turns it into a obligation. If you want to keep the love alive in relationship, it means that you should always acknowledge the romantic gestures of your partner and don’t take him or her for granted.
Keep surprising your partner by doing unexpected things at unexpected times.
So what if it is a busy week at job for him or her?
Take your partner in a short trip in the next city or a place you both enjoy. Break the habit of watching films online and take your partner to the cinema… in another city, perhaps? Do unexpected trips, even if they are short termed or cheap. Everything that breaks the everyday routine is a good way of enjoying and spending quality time together and remembering why are you still in love with each other. And you will also be able to keep the love alive in the relationship.
When it comes to sexual desire and ways to increase it, probably there is no need for anyone else to constantly tell you: talk to your partner and encourage him or her to share their sexual fantasies and desires. Fulfill those desires. Bring sexual play toys in the bedroom, if necessary. Change the sexual positions. Watch adult movies together.
Dress up and play games in bed. Have sex in different other places than at home. Break the routine here as well. Let your imagination and sexual desires run free. Listen to them and listen to your partner’s. Each person has a unique sexual appetite and sexual cravings. If you long to get intimate in totally different ways than before or in your first year as a couple, now it’s the best time. In fact, any time is the best time of saving and keeping the love in your relationship!
A strong factor that at the most times can decide the faith of your relationship is the own free will. Your will. Your partner’s will, as well.
How willing are you to do your best into making your relationship work over the long run?
How much do you want to surface all the difficult times and problems?
How much does your partner want too?
When two people don’t want the same thing anymore, that’s when things can also get ugly and painful. And this is about feelings just as much as it is about will and intention to make things work. In what point your partner stopped making you feel the same way as you did in the beginning of your relationship? When did you stop loving him or loving her? Where was the break that sealed your relationship’s faith in the present? The other way around is also possible. You might not wake up the same kind of feelings in your partner anymore.
Is it your fault, his or her fault or your both fault?
Playing the guilty or naming the guilty part isn’t the solution, taking responsibility and deciding which path is the best for you is – together or on separate ways?
How willing are you both to stay in the relationship and fight to keep the love alive?
Or are you two the kind of people that give up without a fight?
Sometimes, all long lasting relationships need is two partners fighting side by side in order to keep the fire burning. The love flame has two sides: it can lit up in a blink of an eye and it can also disappear in the just exact way. It’s up to both of you to decide what side are you on and for what side do you want to fight.
Choose your battles wise, because you might stand in from of the decision that will direct and affect – in a good or in a bad way – the rest of your life:
will you two be the soul-mates and perfectly happily ever after couple?
Will you do whatever it takes to always keep the love alive in your relationship… forever?