Many people once they grow old they forget how beautiful it is to be young and free of worries. One category of people who should never forget this is the parents’ category. Once you become a parent, your life is no longer yours. It’s nothing about you anymore. Everything is about that beautiful child. Nobody say to completely forget about you but your main responsibility is your child. Remember that it was your choice to have them and not theirs. For a woman, having a child makes her feel complete. Her whole life gains a new meaning.
This does not mean that the fathers are left out. Many of them are more dedicated to their children than women are. No matter if you are a mother or a father, the following rows of this article may help you prepare yourself better when your kid will no longer be a kid but a teenager. Some people may say that this is the best part of life, but for the parents it can be the most difficult one. Even teenagers may not feel too well at this certain age.
Hormonal changes by ages
What happens more exactly at this specific age? When you are between 12 years old and 18 years old, your entire body changes. Your body shapes and features change as well, hormonal disorders make their appearance, your smell, your priorities, the way you see life, the way you see your parents or your entire family. Inside of you, it will be a fight between the need of independence and the need of your family around you as well.
It is the time when you don’t trust anyone, when your personality must be formed, when you are always in search for something and you do not know what more exactly what are you looking for. It is exactly the time when you consider your parents to be old, and too old-fashion for your generation, when you begin to be ashamed if someone sees you with them, and we can go on like this forever.
As long you remember all these things about your teenage years, it will be easier to handle your teenage child. At first, you may be shocked to see how fast these changes start. You may start wondering if you were like this when you had this specific age. You can be sure that you were. Teenagers these days, however, may encounter other problems, thanks to the technology’ development and the information’ access that they have. Not all the time, the information found is also good and proper.
The life experience that you might have cannot be replaced with anything. To have an open relationship with your child must start from very early ages. If you are a very strict parent, who puts certain barriers from the beginning between you and your child, and if your expectations and requests are at very high levels, regarding education, school results, social behavior and other things as well, without considering the real capacities of your child, he, or she, may not be as opened as you may want him or her to be, when they reach teenage stage.
Everybody want their children to be better than they were, or to have greater results in life than they did. Some parents have these desires for their child well being but some of them also wants these results so they can prove to the world how great parents they are. This is the biggest mistake you can make as a parent. Underestimating your child is another mistake. The problem is that the kid will notice that you don’t think too high of him, and he will not think too high of him either. Who knows you better than your own mother and father, so why you should think that you could do better than they say you could.
After reading this, you can draw the conclusion that not only the hormonal level and all those body’ changes will be to blame for your child’ behavior when he becomes a teenage. Also the relationship you had with him till then will also be a very strong factor that will influence your relationship with him in that specific period of time. There is no such thing as a perfect parent or a perfect child, but, as you want to be accepted as you are by the society and by your family, he has the same will.
As you want to know exactly why you can do or cannot do certain things, you should consider that he needs the same explanations. Even if it may seem odd, children need to be treated as adults so they can understand this world. Nobody says to allow your child everything so you will not make him feel restricted in any way, but you must offer him a logic explanation why he can or can’t do certain things. You will be surprised how well he can understand things even at a very early age.
When you fall in love
A very difficult time that you as a parent must face, is when your teenager falls in love. It is maybe the most difficult period and he may not be too opened to talk about that but he is very much aware that he needs your experience to help him succeed. No matter the gender of your child the intensity of a teenage love is bigger than at any other age. Some people think that this is the purest love ever even if it may not last too long.
For some parents it is quite difficult to manage such situations. It is the first time when they may realize that their child can love someone else more than they love their own families. Well this is not entirely true because there are different types of love. Once you understand that and get over the jealousy feeling, you will be prepared to talk with your kid.
Many mothers or fathers have the feeling that the person who their children fall in love with, are no good for them. No matter if you are right about this you should not tell your kid from the first moment you think this way. They will see you as their enemy. This is not a situation that you will want to face. You do not have to hide this from him either. You have to make him see with his own eyes what you saw from the beginning.
Allowing your child to bring his new friend inside your family and creating a pleasant atmosphere for them, will show him that you are willing to accept his relationship and he will be more opened to discuss with you various aspects of his relationship and even ask you for an advice. This way you can control both parties behavior and you can say what you like or dislike in a very gentle manner. Do not ever try to impose your will by fighting or by raising your voice.
Another thing you should expect is that your kid will not agree with you. Just underline that it is only your opinion. What you have said to him even if at the beginning he will reject, it will remain stuck in his brain, and without even know it, he will pay a little bit more attention. This is what you wanted from the beginning after all. If he is facing a failure in love and you knew that this will happen, you should never pronounce the words ” I told you so”. He will never ask you again for any advice.
To stop yourself from doing that, you must remember how much you hate this specific phrase. You do you think that your child will appreciate it. When it comes about his sex life…things can be even more difficult for you. This generation has the tendency of experiencing sex at very early ages. What you should think of is that no matter if you want it or not he will try it and it will be better if you know about it.
As it was mentioned earlier, the information available all over the Internet or the discussion they may have with their friends related to this specific subject may not be the best source of information. They will gather only what it is convenient for them. This is why you must force yourself to be open minded and discuss as freely as possible about this subject. Like that, you will be able to provide for him all the good parts and the negative ones as well.
Another unpleasant situation as a teenager is when the relationship ends. No matter if it is his fault or his partner fault the pain is just as big as the love was. You must not start with things like ”you will find someone else”, or ” she was not good for you after all”, or to start underlining his partner’ defects. He will not see all these things as a support from you. He must be allowed to suffer and to be understood.
All you can do is to offer him the occasion to forget about his suffering by doing something else and not by meeting someone else. You must allow him to cry on your shoulder without any criticism from your part. Later after the ache is gone, you can discuss about it and if he did wrong, you must explain him why, so he will not do it again.
A good idea will be to talk about your own experiences and your own soul pains when you were a teenager. When you do that, you should not be shallow or make fun of yourself. You must show him that you know exactly what he is going through so next time he will run to ask you for an advice. Being so opened and if he sees that you have being through that and after all that pain, you still had a life, he will understand that he can have a life after a breakup as well.
As any other parent you will want that his main occupation will be school but sometimes you must put this aside. You also must be prepared that your teenage child will suffer after the second breakup and the third, just as much as he did after the first. It is terrifying for a parent to see this but you must forget about yourself in these moments.
If you follow these advices and you add to them your personal experience you will see that his teenage rebellion will melt faster than if he sees you as the main opponent of his new experiences.